How Dignity is the Most Important Value for Working with Others

The Big Picture

We will spend about a third of our lives at work in some form.

That is why it is important for us to cultivate spaces where we recognize each other's inherent sense of worth even (and especially) in times of disagreement and conflict. If we or our coworkers spend a major share of our lives without honor — without dignity — then that negative energy carries into our personal lives too.

Dr. Donna Hicks, who serves as an international affairs expert at Harvard University, offers a framework for us to treat others with dignity and maintain our own dignity in her book Leading with Dignity. As a new mentor to one of our teammates at Avantese, we look to Dr. Hicks' insights as we help international business professionals succeed in new environments and adapt to unhealthy cultures in the workplace.

Cultivating Self-Dignity

The starting point for treating others with dignity is loving and appreciating ourselves. Donna recounts a powerful quote by famed poet Ralph Waldo Emerson (page 46):

What lies behind us and what lies before us are tiny matters compared to what lies within us.

This quote teaches us that we must appreciate our own inherent value as people, no matter how many mistakes we have made or flaws we may have. While we are far from perfect, that is by no means a justification for us to be humiliated, dismissed, or ignored by those around us. By seeing our own self worth, we are taking the first step to appreciate others’ worth as well. There are several ways to train our minds to see our own dignity, or self-worth:

• Separate the “I” from the “Me:” For Dr. Hicks, “I” is the concept of who we really are in our hearts and minds independent of what the world may see. “Me” is the part of our identity that is shaped by the expectations, approval, and disapproval of others (page 37). Many people’s thoughts get trapped in “me,” as they react to and start internalizing what other people think of them to a fault. Yet by meditating each morning about the parts of ourselves we appreciate about ourselves, we can strengthen our self-confidence. When we do so, we will ultimately project an energy and presence that does improve how others see us and treat us. It will also give us an armor that makes us less reactive to unfair or reactive criticism from others.

• Embrace a Growth Mindset: Leading with Dignity highlights the research of Carol Dweck, a researcher who urges us to see our traits (and the traits as others) as malleable rather than fixed (page 75). Do not tell yourself that you are, for example, a bad communicator. Instead, be kind to yourself by embracing the mantra that you are a communication learner — someone who has to remove to improve and is improving in that area. If you are supervising a colleague who is not punctual, give them the benefit of the doubt and space to improve rather than giving them a fixed label.

• Empathize with Yourself: When you make a mistake at work or beyond, take responsibility in your own mind. Identify the reasons why you may have lost your nerve in a meeting or missed an important deadline. After identifying these reasons, be patient with yourself and do the equally important work of reflecting on situations where you have performed well. You are not the sum of your mistakes. There is a spirit and force within you — worth — that deserves compassion and patience. After we cultivate this patience with ourselves, we can then start extending it to others. And from that compassion, we can identify ways to help them succeed alongside us.

Principles of Dignity

Dr. Hicks was once invited to lead a seminar between rival political factions in Colombia, which had been gripped by a decades-long, violent civil war. After the president introduced her to lead what he called a “communications” seminar, he said that he needed to leave to take important meetings. She corrected him, noting that her seminar was going to be about “dignity,” recognizing the inherent worth of others as a starting point for working through collective trauma. The president immediately canceled his other plans: “I’m staying for this.”

When we treat others with dignity, they are more likely to be allies with us, suggest ideas that make everyone’s jobs easier, and stay at the company rather than leaving in a way that can disadvantage the team that remains. There are financial reasons for upholding people’s worth.

Dignity, unlike respect, is not something that is earned. Even the most incompetent, infuriating, and downright sinister people deserve dignity. Every living being has worth and deserves a sense of safety and justice, under Dr. Hick’s framework. To understand this concept and how it can apply to the workplace, consider the following principles by Dr. Hicks and our examples:

• Acceptance of Identity: No one is above or below you based on their age, physical attributes, or mental characteristics. While your abilities can be night-and-day in differences, you are not worth more than anyone. When you adopt this mindset and have a conversation with yourself about biases that you may have been taught over time, you are able to hear and understand other people better. That in-turn will unlock ideas from others that you may have not previously paid attention to. It will also give you an energy that attracts more people to be your ally and workplace friends.

  Example: Greg, your team’s outreach assistant, makes frequent typographical mistakes that have embarrassed the company and led to miscommunication. Attention to detail is not his thing. However, Greg still creates value for the team with his quick turn-around for scheduling and skill at building client rapport. Greg suggests a new approach to managing client records, though he doesn’t have the details hashed out. Greg is someone who lacks attention to detail at times. He’s made mistakes. But he is a complex whole. By seeing his dignity, his merited ideas shine

• Recognition: People deserve praise for their ideas and experience, and granting this recognition is a way to treat people with dignity.

  Example: Doug, as Greg’s supervisor, has the power and relationships to enable him to take credit for Greg’s suggestion to improve the management of client records. Even so, he treats Greg with dignity and credits him for his role suggesting the new idea. Greg was not aware at the time that his colleague Sandra would shortly become his own supervisor. Because of example Doug has set by showing Greg the dignity he deserves, Sandra will be more likely to act on this norm of dignified recognition for every team member’s unique contribution.

• Acknowledgement: When people are talking to you, give them your attention. Take notes. Ask questions. Give positive gestures, like carefully nodding your head three times. When you respond, consider beginning your sentence by saying “I understand your point to be [a short summary of their idea]. Am I understanding you correctly?” This can save time and avoid costly mistakes, while also building good will. The simple act of lowering our computer when others are speaking to us or setting aside a few minutes to listen to our colleagues carefully can avoid costly mistakes from miscommunication. It can also earn reciprocal treatment as your relationships are strengthened.

• Inclusion: A major part of our wellbeing is feeling like we are part of something greater than just ourselves. Invite people to work functions and celebrations, ask them if they have feedback to add even if they have been quiet in a meeting, use priming words like “we,” “us,” and “our” to communicate that you see others as part of your whole.

• Safety: Make sure that people feel safe physically and psychologically by promptly mediating any related concerns. Tolerating targeted behaviors, insults, or harassment will lead to cycles that bring more people into conflict. It will drive talented team members away and turn them into someone who purposefully cuts corners in their job.

• Fairness: Ensure that you are applying rules fairly without singling out particular employees, even if you have other issues with their performance or approaches.

  Example: Sandra sees Michelle make disparaging remarks about Greg to a colleague. Although Sandra sees Michelle as a more effective team member than Doug, she still upholds the same zero-tolerance policy for disparagement. As a result, the team is more likely to form internal norms against disparaging one another, adverting a cycle that can grow into a wider conflict. People feel that the rules are for everyone, boosting morale and making people feel part of the team.

• Independence: People need to be allowed to make their own decisions, rather than being micromanaged or denied agency. Rather than dictating every detail, give people the flexibility to express their own unique communication style and voice.

• Benefit of the Doubt: Be careful not to assume motives of people’s actions, as this can create unnecessary and preventable conflicts. Unless someone shows you otherwise, assume that your colleagues are acting with integrity and trustworthiness.

• Accountability: Everyone makes mistakes and sometimes engages in hurtful behaviors. Yet a genuine apology, including a commitment to change the behavior, can heal relationships and build trust.

  Example: Sandra notices Doug included her supervisor in an email about a client presentation that was not yet ready. Rather than assuming he is trying to embarrass her, she respectfully asks him to ensure projects are reviewed before being shared outside the immediate team and explains that this policy avoids confusion. Doug genuinely apologizes for the mistake and acknowledges Sandra’s concerns. He lets her know that his intention was to be helpful and expresses genuine appreciation for the feedback. Sandra in-turn trusts Doug’s motives more going forward.

Conclusion

We have incredible worth as beings, even when we make mistakes, fall short of our goals, or wrong other people. Rather than internalizing negative talk from other or ourselves, embrace your “I” and commit to growing and learning. By doing so, you will strengthen your relationships at work and beyond. And you will start to see the value and patience that is necessary to collaborate with others.

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